My Invisible Knapsack
So, Peggy McIntosh, a renowned researcher and essayist on the topic of white privilege, says that, “white privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, code books, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks.” She goes on to describe it as a package of unearned assets or privileges that white or white-passing individuals can count on in their everyday lives, but that we’re meant to remain oblivious to.
So I began to translate McIntosh’s list to de-generalize it and give myself tangible examples of how my whiteness and white privilege permeates my everyday life…
With her thoughts, I began to understand that white privilege doesn’t necessarily mean that my life hasn’t been hard, just that my skin color isn’t one of the things that have made it harder. Still, I needed to make it more real for myself, more authentic to my world. So I began to translate McIntosh’s list to give myself tangible examples of how my white privilege permeates my everyday life and has allowed me to live comfortably––often at the expense of others. One thing is for sure, I’ve opted into both and here’s what I’m thinking about today:
- I have, for the most part, arranged to be in the company of white people most of the time. Most of my friends are white, all of my relatives are white, most of my neighbors have always been white.
- When I moved from Long Island, New York to Los Angeles where I knew close to no one, I was able to purchase a home (and readily get a home loan I could afford from a new bank) in a neighborhood I wanted to live in.
- When I moved to LA, I had the privilege of enrolling my three kids in three new schools, and was welcomed by each school community with enthusiasm and open arms.
- I have had the privilege of knowing that my kids would be taught curricula that affirmed their identities, and testified to the existence and history of their race.
- I never felt the need to educate my children about systemic racism.
- For the most part, and integral to my peace of mind, I feel that I can arrange to protect my kids from people who might not like them.
- When I was younger, and in school myself, I had the privilege of learning about my history, white history, culture, iconography and perspectives. And when I learned about the story of America, I was taught that white people were the heroes of my heritage.
- Most of the children’s books, the classics that I made sure I read with my kids, are about the white experience. It’s true that the whitewashing of curriculum in schools extends to bookstores, with fewer books on the shelves affirming People of Color––but even still, I believe I chose those books because they told the stories that I wanted to hear and share.
- I can, if I want to, go shopping alone, either in a boutique shopping area or a mall, and have never once been followed, watched, or harassed under suspicion.
- I have the privilege of having a positive relationship with the police, generally speaking. If a cop pulls me over, I’ve never felt that I’ve been singled out because of my race, nor have I feared for my life. If I’m in a situation where I need the police, I’ve never hesitated to speak with them or call, always anticipating the experience would be respectful and helpful.
- I have the privilege of consuming media that is blatantly biased toward white people. I can turn on the news and see white people represented. Through algorithms in social media, I am fed stories, podcasts, videos and essays that are presented from the white perspective.
- I remained oblivious to the languages, the history, the customs, the identities of People of Color without feeling any social or cultural penalty for my illiteracy.
- If I’ve ever needed medical attention, I can receive it from doctors who have been predominantly trained to recognize ailments as they present in white patients.
- I feel that I have the privilege of escaping the violent stereotypes associated with certain white extremists––of separating myself from being identified with others of my race.
- For the most part, I feel protected from the dangers of a society that does not respect the value of all lives equally.
- I have the privilege of being able to learn about racism rather than experience it.
We all have our lists. But as I think through mine, I realize that the building blocks of my life and all that I take for granted––my happiness, success, disposition, optimism, sense of security, relationships, where and how I live — exist because of the protections my white privilege has afforded me. At the same time, those privileges have not been gained in a vacuum.
Even beyond a list of unearned advantages, white privilege is both a legacy and cause of racism. It has allowed me to sustain its oppressive nature through a denial of its existence, has given me the power to remain silent in the face of racial inequity, and has afforded me the ability to choose comfort over justice because fundamentally, I am safe. And what a privilege that is.
For someone who fancies herself as intentional, well educated, and thoughtful, I know that I have a limited racial world view as a white person. But with every rabbit hole I go down, every article, book, video, film, essay, podcast, organization, phone bank or petition, I recognize that knowledge is power and am ravenous for the centuries more points of view I can and will unlearn and learn. I feel empowered to change the way I see myself because for the first time in my life, I am seeing white, and do not like what I see.
But for now, I’m trying to hold myself accountable, and still learning.
